Mac batteries may seem like they are crap, but they arent. They are the cutting edge in battery technology, although this is not so much a good thing. They REQUIRE proper treatment to the tightest note. You much fully discharge and recharge the battery per month, and in the meantime keep it plugged in as much as possible (no excuses) in between. The first part is to reset the internal chip so it knows the batteries charge capability, and the second is simply to prevent the constant discharge and recharge of the battery. If you dont follow these rules the cells in the battery quickly become mush, and wont even hold a 33% charge.
As stated by Doctor X, Coconut battery works great to find out if it time to not only buy a new battery but to treat it with care, it is not a toy. It sounds like your battery is far into the red, so to get a proper readin install the app, unplug your laptop, and open the app. This will give you a fast reading of your charge and capability.
Sorry you are going through a hard time with your battery, I think I can talk for all other laptop owners that you are not alone in learning this the hard way. Mac kinda shoved this new battery in our faces.