Sexual partners - how many is OK
- Thread starter MDLarson
- Start date
RacerX
Old Rhapsody User
I think it is hard to say. In an ideal world it would be nice if the first was also the last. That we always found the right person and they would never change and we all lived happily ever after.
We don't live in an ideal world and people go their own ways after promising to be together forever.
It takes two people to make a relationship work... but only one to end it on the spot.
So Matt, if your wife finds that you are not the one for her, are you not going to remarry? If your wife dies, are you not going to remarry?
You're still too young to know this yet, but life has a lot it can throw at you, and absolutes means you'll be taking it on the chin with every surprise.
We don't live in an ideal world and people go their own ways after promising to be together forever.
It takes two people to make a relationship work... but only one to end it on the spot.
So Matt, if your wife finds that you are not the one for her, are you not going to remarry? If your wife dies, are you not going to remarry?
You're still too young to know this yet, but life has a lot it can throw at you, and absolutes means you'll be taking it on the chin with every surprise.
edX
mac shaman
i said 51 and over because i really believe that the past doesn't matter in such things. it is what you have together and the future you create together. if you ask me how many times is it ok to cheat once you're together- i'd say none. but the past is something you didn't share, so who cares?
plus, i'd be pretty hypocritical to expect different standards for a woman than i did for myself.
plus, i'd be pretty hypocritical to expect different standards for a woman than i did for myself.
MDLarson
Registered
And so begins another friendly debate!
Racer, I believe that too often people decide that their current partner "just isn't the one." This line of thinking is usually born out of boredom or frustration with their current spouse, and assumes that the next will be better. While sometimes this may be true (such as with an abusive relationship,) most people are simply unwilling to make things work. And for the sake of the argument, I assumed that widow / widower situations did not apply.
One more point: It seems every time I get into a debate about relatively serious things, I get handed the line "you're too young to know this..." (more or less.) Well, I'm not going to accept that this time. I'm 23 now, and I have watched my parents behave like children over the last few years during their divorce. My two year anniversary is in 3 days. Granted, I do not have years and years of experience, but I am more mature than I may appear (and I realize that I come off as a sheltered child sometimes.)
But anyway, please keep voting and let's see where we stand...
edX
mac shaman
matt - you didn't ask "what if the woman you love had an std?" you asked how many previous sexual partners would be acceptable. granted, more probably increases the risk of std, but it is possible to have many partners and still not have a permanent std.
to be honest, i must admit i got herpes along the way. which turns out is more than just occasional cold sores in the genital areas. but anyone who uses common sense and practises safe sex really has very little to worry about with std. - It doesn't matter if you've had sex with one or a hundred as long as you USE A CONDOM!! EVERY TIME!!!!
btw matt - at 45 i'm still too young to understand alot of things that my 90 year old grandmother does but i'm hoping to live long enough to find most of them out. yes - age does have a lot to do with understanding a lot of things and it keeps changing our understanding of things as we go. don't get too hung up on it, you're entitled to be however old you are and have whatever limitations go with it. the true sign of being old enough to know is when you get old enough to realize that you don't know everything yet and couldn't possibly untill you've gone thru more.
to be honest, i must admit i got herpes along the way. which turns out is more than just occasional cold sores in the genital areas. but anyone who uses common sense and practises safe sex really has very little to worry about with std. - It doesn't matter if you've had sex with one or a hundred as long as you USE A CONDOM!! EVERY TIME!!!!
btw matt - at 45 i'm still too young to understand alot of things that my 90 year old grandmother does but i'm hoping to live long enough to find most of them out. yes - age does have a lot to do with understanding a lot of things and it keeps changing our understanding of things as we go. don't get too hung up on it, you're entitled to be however old you are and have whatever limitations go with it. the true sign of being old enough to know is when you get old enough to realize that you don't know everything yet and couldn't possibly untill you've gone thru more.
i'd go for past doesn't matter as well. if i'd got married with someone who was 30 or over and he still would be a virgin i would think there's something wrong .. either he'd be a religious freak of some kind or a fag.
if you think it's not ok to do something before marriage, get married young then. if you'll wait untill 30 it's (the sex) is not going to get any better. i'm not saying "do it when you are 13", i didn't do anything before i was 20-something .. and i've never been the first for anyone. if i'd happen to be .. i'd maybe freak out. "i don't care" is my option ..
if you think it's not ok to do something before marriage, get married young then. if you'll wait untill 30 it's (the sex) is not going to get any better. i'm not saying "do it when you are 13", i didn't do anything before i was 20-something .. and i've never been the first for anyone. if i'd happen to be .. i'd maybe freak out. "i don't care" is my option ..
RacerX
Old Rhapsody User
There in lies the problem. Until you have been in a failed relationship, you are really in no place to judge what the causes of one are. You don't know from first hand experience what happens, what lead to the end, and how it effects those involved until you have been their yourself (something I truly hope you never need to experience). No failed relationship should be classified using the term usually. Like each successful relationship, it is the coupling of two unique individuals making every situation unique and wholly unusual.
You can accept it. When I was 23 I had been married for 3 years (that started in a serious relationship almost 5 years before). At that point in time I thought very much like you are now. I watched my parents (mother, father, stepfathers, stepmothers) divorcing left and right (every one of them had at least two divorces). I said I would not go down that path.
6 years later I found out that if someone in the relationship wants to go down that path, there is nothing the other can do to stop it. I speak from experience. I speak knowing where you are now knowing I was there when I was your age. You haven't had enough experience to know the full weight of this subject.
From the age of 0 to 29 years, the only person I was with was my wife. From 31 to 35 years of age (present) I've only been with my wife (present wife). I, like before, truly believe this relationship is going to last forever. But I don't hold any special moral judgments on the issue specially as relationships are the one thing that the best of intentions on any one persons part can not save.
Well, the average time a marriage lasts is 7 years, this excludes the time they had a relationship before they got married. But that doesn't really matter, as long as you're both working towards a good marriage I don't think it can fail, well as long as you're not completely different people that is.
I had a relationship of two years that ended in septembre 2002, still not past that sadly enough, even though I've been with someone else since then. She wasn't the first girl I had sex with, and I wasn't her first. Doesn't matter now does it? Like edX and Giaguara said, the past doesn't matter in such things ...
I had a relationship of two years that ended in septembre 2002, still not past that sadly enough, even though I've been with someone else since then. She wasn't the first girl I had sex with, and I wasn't her first. Doesn't matter now does it? Like edX and Giaguara said, the past doesn't matter in such things ...
Ugg
Registered
It really doesn't matter. I think age has a lot to do with it but not in the way you think. If I was 18 and dating an 18 year old then 1-5 is probably my answer, however, I'm 40 so it really doesn't matter. If the other person was a sex junkie then yes it would but for the most part, it is not important. I would say that the most important thing was that the sex that person had in the past was good sex, sex that was wanted not forced upon them.
applewhore
Registered
"Well, look at it like this, wouldn't you prefer learning to drive in a used car?"
anerki - honestly, no!
I wouldn't really care about the car... i'd be quite happy for it to be brand new...
I would care about the teacher though! Certainly, in the case of my driving instructor, I was glad she had "driven" before...
(sorry, I couldn't help playing with that comparison, even though I know it's not strictly fair! )
anerki - honestly, no!
I wouldn't really care about the car... i'd be quite happy for it to be brand new...
I would care about the teacher though! Certainly, in the case of my driving instructor, I was glad she had "driven" before...
(sorry, I couldn't help playing with that comparison, even though I know it's not strictly fair!
)
MDLarson
Registered
Well, it is clear I composed this poll not entirely knowing my target audience. (Ed must have added the "It doesn't matter" option! )
I believe sex is a place for intimacy, not just simply a "fun thing to do." I believe a person should save him or herself for their future spouse - make it special!
Racer, I understand your point - I haven't experienced a personal tragedy with my wife (like a divorce.) But I would rather not hear about my age; instead, I would much prefer any "inexperience" to be evident in the argument. I mean, if I really am naïve about some of this stuff, I'd rather admit it than have somebody tell me that. Does that make sense?
Thanks for the discussion so far, it's been enlightening for sure.
)I believe sex is a place for intimacy, not just simply a "fun thing to do." I believe a person should save him or herself for their future spouse - make it special!
Giaguara, what if that person was saving his virginity for you? Would you laugh or respect and honor that decision?
Racer, I understand your point - I haven't experienced a personal tragedy with my wife (like a divorce.) But I would rather not hear about my age; instead, I would much prefer any "inexperience" to be evident in the argument. I mean, if I really am naïve about some of this stuff, I'd rather admit it than have somebody tell me that. Does that make sense?
Thanks for the discussion so far, it's been enlightening for sure.
Used car example sucks. Or does it apply only for girls? I did not choose my sex, so i have never liked any of those things where a different (moral) behaviour is expected from you according to your sucks. Why girls or women are 'cheap' if they have had more relationships, and the males are only 'masculine' or 'viril' with that same type of behaviour? I still say i've never been the first of anyone (the first was 9 y older than me) and i'd probably just freak out if i discovered one day i'd be ..
Decado
Kallikanzaroi
Does the poll mean "at the same time", or "ever"?
To answer the first: i dont like it when she has more than me (i have been in that kind of relationship, where she sneaked home to her boyfriend/man every morning so he would think she had slept there all night). Its annoying and kills you emotionally.
With my first girlfriend we were both new to the task, so to speak. And now, though we have not been together for three years (except from time to time. she's the sneaking home to her boyfriend-girl), it really freaks me out thinking of her being with others. With my current girlfriend who is twenty-six (three years older than me) i dont really care that much, and i will probably never ask her. I just want her to have cared for anyone she had done it with.
Just to clear things up: i have never been unfaithful. just happens to get together with my first everytime someone breaks up with me and i break up with them.
isay: the fewer the better. but i have to draw the line at 10. My goal is not to sleep with as many as possible, and i hope that have not been the goal of my girlfriend either, cuz that would have been a huge thing we wouldnt have in common.
To answer the first: i dont like it when she has more than me (i have been in that kind of relationship, where she sneaked home to her boyfriend/man every morning so he would think she had slept there all night). Its annoying and kills you emotionally.
With my first girlfriend we were both new to the task, so to speak. And now, though we have not been together for three years (except from time to time. she's the sneaking home to her boyfriend-girl), it really freaks me out thinking of her being with others. With my current girlfriend who is twenty-six (three years older than me) i dont really care that much, and i will probably never ask her. I just want her to have cared for anyone she had done it with.
Just to clear things up: i have never been unfaithful. just happens to get together with my first everytime someone breaks up with me and i break up with them.
isay: the fewer the better. but i have to draw the line at 10. My goal is not to sleep with as many as possible, and i hope that have not been the goal of my girlfriend either, cuz that would have been a huge thing we wouldnt have in common.